Today, I started my new (longer) commute, and it sparked some deep reflections about how I’m managing my time—especially my down time or transition times. Honestly, I’m looking forward to the quiet time these drives offer. I’ve been craving alone time recently, and I hope to use it to reflect, recharge, and express myself more, even if those thoughts are just for me.

Lately, I’ve been struggling to find the balance between holding myself accountable and giving myself grace. Take exercise, for example. Part of me says, “Hey, your schedule is crazy. You’re moving, and it’s okay if you don’t hit the gym.” But then another part calls me out, telling me, “Stop making excuses; you’ll feel better after a workout!” And it’s true—exercise makes me feel better physically and mentally. However, with everything going on in life and where I’m at in my cycle, I’m not really up for intense workouts. Some days even a walk can feel like a lot of time and energy. I have to intentionally and consistently remind myself not to fall into a scarcity mindset when I think I don’t have time because, in reality, I do. We have so much time. It’s our energy and efforts that we must manage to make the best use of the time we’re blessed with.

Despite the chaos, I try to remind myself that it’s normal to have these ups and downs. I’m a generally positive person, disciplined, and grateful for the many good things in my life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. Some days, I skip the gym, feel extra stressed, or stray from my usual habits, and that’s okay. It’s also okay when those periods of time last longer than a day or even weeks in certain circumstances.

The beautiful thing about this life is that we get to continually choose. We can start and restart as many times as we need – there is no limit. That doesn’t mean that we have to keep starting over (starting over every week would get very exhausting and discouraging), but we get to when we need it. It’s about finding the balance between maintaining positive habits and recognizing when we need (or want) a break. Without judgement. Without shame. Just simply recognizing when a shift needs to be made and then taking the steps to make that a reality.

I’m learning that I don’t always have to force myself into a positive mindset or constantly focus on gratitude to push away uncomfortable feelings. It’s okay to feel stressed, uneasy, and uncertain. Instead of resisting those feelings, I’m letting them move through me, accepting that this period of unpredictability is temporary. Yes, I thrive on routines like journaling and exercising, but I’m also learning to embrace the lack of structure, even if it’s difficult.

The temporary chaos will make the return to routine feel even sweeter. Once things are more settled, I know I’ll appreciate the peace and structure more than ever because I’ve grown through this discomfort.

In the past, I told myself that I had to be extra diligent with my habits to maintain good mental health. I believed I had to be more consistent with my lifestyle habits than others did because my mental health got affected more easily. I believed I was more sensitive to factors environmental and physiological factors. But I’m recognizing now that I’m actually mentally stronger than I once thought. Maybe it wasn’t necessarily just the change in habits that affected me, but also the additional judgement and shame I was placing on myself for falling out of my routine.

Through mindful awareness of these thought patterns, I have been able to release that judgement and lean in to the changes, completely accepting myself and where I’m at. I can now have periods of time where I’m not as consistent without it negatively affecting my mental health and increasing my anxiety.

This period is teaching me how to support my mental health when I can’t stick to my usual habits. Instead of letting these temporary lapses impact me negatively, I’m practicing mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion. I’m noticing my critical thoughts, acknowledging them, but not letting them dictate how I feel. Yes, those thoughts can be helpful reminders, but they don’t need to overwhelm me.

In the end, this journey is about learning to give myself grace. It’s a time of growth, teaching me how to navigate major life changes, stress, and unpredictability with more resilience. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.

So, here’s to embracing the chaos, finding peace in the unpredictability, and trusting that things will settle in time.